Disintegration

Disintegration


Liquid whispers turn into shimmering shouts on a dime,
leaving me thoroughly bewildered and afraid.
My heart pounds thunderously threatening to bolt
from my body on to a sticky train track as it assumes
its fate: defeated, flattened, damaged.
I ought to offer you thanks for uncovering things
now rather than later, but the pain is
palpable, viable, present,and it threatens my growth.
The throat has a liquid lump, and my belly expands
like pulled taffy, engorging, leaving me to fight for a breath
that will maintain sustenance. And the sweet tears
find me at my loneliest, at night in charcoal darkness,
underneath stifling sheets that tentatively
offer solace, comfort. I apologize for mistakes
not made,and you apologize in a moment
of pulverized clarity.

“Apology accepted”, I find myself saying.

Why is that I feel farther from you than Neptune’s breath
or Mercury’s fickle ways? Accepting what is in brilliant sunlight
or fragile shadows leaves invisible scars and a frayed ego,
things that can be repaired in time, but never forgotten.
It is in my nature to ask why. Why? I desire closure
that will not come, the closure required to move on, but rigid reality
plays her trump card, and I resign that I’ve been played yet again.

The truth stares at me, smiling her wicked smile, '
and still I wonder: what now? What now?
Only I can answer, and still I ask: what now?