Fair

Fair


"Life's not fair!" It was the first time
I had heard the words spoken,
an aberration at four years old.
He had that hungry bear look
again. I couldn't stare him down.
His heart beat lunged towards
my rapid breaths. He reeked
of nightmares, scotch and cigars,
unpleasant and grotesque. He owned massive
hands the size of Jupiter: Mine like the moon,
enclosing over me causing the eclipse!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Too late now for God to grant a miracle
as the door closed: no open windows.
I had passed the exit ramp to security,
impossible to retrace steps to a safe haven,
the forbidden, fallen apples from the tree,
unsafe to pick up: unsavory and flavorless,
heat from the wolf devouring my wounded soul,
what was left of it, a memory for my future
casting a scar, cancerous cells raging,
having their way,: growing, growing, growing,
making the unthinkable thinkable, and horrible.

It should have never happened,
that lunar eclipse, his head blocking
the only light visible for my eyes,
one safe haven, my beacon of hope:
the forgotten one buried in the muck.
I would forever travel on slippery slopes,
detour from the expected path, unblemished
on the surface, but underneath? What was left?
I would never be quite whole again, my secret
alter ego, protector from all monstrosities
now nearly drowned. My last chance,
my screaming inner child, hidden,
I faced the wall: cold, cement, and white,
pretending to be anyone, anything but me.

The dance macabre has begun.

(c) 2011