Men suck.

So, I have been talking to this guy for many, many months now, and he then professed he had "feelings" for me and even used the "L" word. Well, I knew we had an emotional connection, but I was a little surprised. But, it gave me hope. And I was looking forward to meeting him until I learned he scheduled a trip to England. England? Isn't that more expensive than spending time with me? I asked him if his feelings had changed, and he told me that no, he still felt the same way he always has, and that there was no one in England, that he knew a lot of people over there, and he just wanted to spend his birthday with friends. Of course I knew a few months before that something was different. I just felt it. So then I looked at his Facebook profile. You know they changed the d*%ned profile page, so if you want to know something personal, you have to search for it. And guess what? He now has a partner. To read about it without being told personally, after he told me he loved me -- I mean, OMG! OMG! I mean, I was content to be just friends. We had not met, and I was going to reserve judgment until I met him in person, but he kept pursuing things, and I found myself getting wrapped up emotionally in what was happening. This happened to me twice this year, the previous one being Anthony who basically ignored me after we met, yet told me there was nothing wrong. And then A. told me that he wasn't relationship material, and two weeks later was in a relationship. Again, I found out on Facebook.

What is wrong with being open and honest? Both of these men knew everything about me -- the good and bad. With Eric, I really confronted him good, but then I found out his relationship status had changed over two months ago, and somehow he chose not to tell me, and continue with his amorous feelings. What the Hell is wrong with people? Why not just say, I really like you, but I think we should pursue this as a friendship? Or, I was premature in admitting I had feelings for you. I am sorry. No, I had to confront both jerks. And yes, they are good people, but in this case acted really badly and dishonestly. So, to make matters worse, I had to manage Eric. I had to confront him. and then he stopped responding when I asked the most important question -- why? I know he did not know how to respond to that. But then I gave it a few days for him to think about it, and he did not respond. So I finally had to write/manage once more and told him that I understand the questions may be difficult to talk about, but that I would have more respect for him if he had called me, or at least attempted to write me a note explaining everything (less respect, but saving some grace). I was really just mad, but now I feel hurt. Anthony was the one who really threw me, because we had been talking for a year and a half, and he flew out to meet me, saying he was transitioning out of a job, and moving would be possible. Now, he mentioned San Francisco as well as other places, but he kept those hopes burning. And then he came out, and we had the most romantic night, and then he flew out the next day and blew me off. Anyway, I am at a point where I understand, and of course, I always did know, that pursuing something long distance rarely works. But, you have to have hope and faith, right? And when you are so heavily pursued, you have to want to believe, even when you are a little skeptical that the situation itself may not work because of logistics. Sorry for going on, but I feel so betrayed. But as usual, I will persevere. I have more to write about other stuff, but I will save it for later.

Thanks friends for your support.