Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Calm Before the Storm

So, today has been overall a decent day, and I feel a little calmer. I say that, and yet on one of the message boards I frequent, I, and some of my friends, were attacked mercilessly. But, because I post regularly, these things just don’t freak me out. I guess, I know in that realm, I am respected enough and have the support of other regular board members. But, my point is, that I did not realize I was stressed or tense, until later when I was talking to a friend on the phone. And I do feel a little tense, but so much more relaxed than earlier this week with all that I have had going on. I guess I tend to implode.

Now, that I have said that, I really do feel pretty calm today. Last night I went to dinner with my Mom and Chip, and had an amazing dinner. And the company and conversation were great, along with the fact that I slept pretty well. What I am anticipating, and why I am referring to this as the calm before the storm, is that tomorrow I have my first of three assessments at the VA hospital for the PTSD study I have entered. It will not be a big deal. They are just doing routine bloodwork, and I will complete some forms saying “I-agree-to-signing-my-life-away-amd-use-the-data-in-this-study-to-track-you-the-rest-of-your-life” kind of thing. I am not a veteran at all, but got into this study as an “at large” berth, if you want to look at this like March Madness. It is a little scary. I am not sure if this study is what I need, but after talking to my new therapist, and checking in with my old therapist, I can drop out if I feel too unsafe. That helps me to do the work I need to do in order to deal with trauma. and that means I can explore these issues knowing I have a safety net. WHEW! And hopefully, this work will allow me to write more freely. I hope so.

Anyway, that is the latest. thanks to all of those who have supported me. Next comes the gym again. I am not that out of shape at all. But, to me, and what I expect, I am. Maybe I need to adjust my expectations???

Thanks all!

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